What Moms Really Want for Mother’s Day
Five moms on the Fearless Foundry team share what they’re wishing for this year.
Hopefully, you already knew that Mother’s Day is coming up on May 9, but do you have a plan to celebrate the mothers in your life? To help you prepare for the upcoming holiday, we asked five moms on our team for their insights into the kinds of gifts they’d love to receive. Some of the ideas that Aljolynn Sperber, Sarah Hines, Madeline Pratt, Lauren Conte, and Brigitte Long shared might not be completely within your power as an individual (unless you’re reading this, President Biden), but they’ll give you a sense of what moms are thinking about in 2021. For good measure, we’ve included some arrive-in-time gift ideas too.
It’s About Time
Ask most moms what they desperately need, and they’ll tell you “more time”. Care-providing is very time-consuming, especially for people with young children who––by their nature––demand near-constant attention. Children’s needs, coupled with social and cultural expectations for moms to do it all, mean that time is in short supply. Aljolynn, who runs a business in addition to her role as VP of Strategy at Fearless Foundry, shared that she’s wishing for “time for myself––3 days just for me and 5 for focusing on my business.” She got specific about her “me time” plans, adding that she’d ask for “a spa day that someone else pays for. I’m a solo parent, which sometimes means that if I want a gift for Mother's Day I have to get it for myself.”
School Choice and Subsidized Childcare
Multiple moms on our team reflected on the difficulty of finding the right schools and childcare programs for their children’s needs. In most of the US, the ability to pick and choose schools and programs is a privilege often available only to wealthy families who can afford private school or have the time resources to transport their kids across districts. “I wish we had more school choice, so it was easier to find alternatives and enroll in programs with ease,” said Lauren, Fearless Foundry’s executive assistant. “It would be nice to have ways to help make all that easier in general. I think we would see more options if we were able to choose more freely and the school choice concept was available for all.”
Aljolynn also remembered struggling to find childcare options years ago when her son was young. “I wished I had had better pay, or child care covered by the government, or access to grants to enroll my child into Montessori schools where I knew he'd thrive socially and academically,” she shared, adding that where they lived at the time there weren’t scholarships available for families in need.
Longer Paid Parental Leave
In the US, the parental leave standard is 12 weeks long and unpaid. Though some companies (like Fearless Foundry) offer paid leave packages that are longer than 12 weeks, it’s not mandated by law, which means most companies do not offer any paid leave for new parents. That makes us the only affluent country in the world that doesn’t guarantee a single day of paid leave. According to Paid Leave US, 25% of new moms return to work only 10 days after childbirth. This short timeframe leaves little time for healing after birth, not to mention bonding as a new family and adjusting to all the changes a new baby brings. “It feels like the US doesn't value families because they aren't providing the help needed for new parents,” Aljolynn shared.
When her child was an infant and she held a different job, “childcare was impossible to afford and my parental leave policy was a joke. I had to use my vacation and any other PTO I had, and then I got 70% of my paycheck covered by short-term disability.”
Marshall Plan for Moms
It’s widely accepted that the COVID-19 pandemic has had a disproportionately negative effect on working women––particularly mothers. Moms were forced to exit the workforce in a tidal wave when schools and daycares shuttered, and many will not have the option to reapply for their positions. A report by the Center for American Progress quoted research showing that “mothers with young children have arranged reductions in their work hours that are four to five times greater than the reductions arranged by fathers,” which has “more than doubled the gap between the number of hours worked by women and by men.”
But it’s no secret that parenting is a job, and mothering and housework are unpaid labor that keep the capitalist economy pumping. Mothers and caregivers are essential to our economy. That’s the basis of a new initiative called the Marshall Plan for Moms, spearheaded by Reshma Saujani, the founder and CEO of Girls Who Code. First announced in a full-page letter published in the New York Times in January 2021, the Marshall Plan for Moms calls on President Biden to “provide direct payments to moms and pass long overdue policies addressing paid family leave, affordable childcare, and pay equity.” That letter was signed by 50 prominent women, including celebrities and leaders in social justice movements. Everyone is welcome to sign the petition online at https://www.marshallplanformoms.com/.
Mental Load Weighs Heavy
Part of being a parent is holding a plethora of information in your brain at all times––like due dates, appointments, tasks, reminders, other people’s needs... plus your own needs. This is called the “mental load”, and in many two-parent families, it’s disproportionately carried by moms. “Household labor is easy to manage and my spouse does a great job sharing those responsibilities, but the mental load of carrying the knowledge of schedules, doctors’ appointments, teacher relationships, playdates, and kid’s friends can be huge,” shared Sarah, the Operations Director at Fearless Foundry. Madeline, the Founder and CEO, agreed, sharing that for most moms, it would be a gift “for someone to buy groceries and make a meal with zero advice or input.”
Candid Photos
It might sound simple, but taking the initiative to capture candid photos of moms with their kids can be incredibly meaningful. “I’m always the one snapping and then I forget to include myself,” said Lauren. “To have others be mindful—even for just a day—to snap ‘real life’ photos. It is a gift to have those moments captured, without having to be the one so focused on capturing them.”
A Sense of Celebration
The pandemic has been an unusual time for expectant moms, especially first-timers. Brigitte, Fearless’ creative strategist, says the element of “normalcy” she misses the most is a sense of community during such a singularly new and unfamiliar time in her life. “I’ve certainly felt the love and support of my friends and family during my pregnancy, but it’s all been virtual,” she says. “While I enjoy texting updates about how I’m feeling, the celebratory component of expecting my first child has been subdued because of the realities of the pandemic.” As she nears her due date, she wants to spend the last weeks of pregnancy truly reveling in everything that’s to come, and what she’s leaving behind as she enters motherhood. “I have a tendency to feel anxiety or guilt about celebrating myself. My mom and friends took the reins and decided to throw me an intimate baby shower––and it’s all I could ever ask for. It was unexpected and I was deeply touched.”
You don’t have to spend a lot of money to show up for the moms in your life––intention, time, and shouldering the burden are often more valuable than any physical gift. That said, we’re pretty sure no mom would say no to a fabulous spa package.
