Being an LGBTQ Ally: Turning Acceptance into Belonging in Your Business

2023 is the second year I’ve been “out” during pride month. While last year I was a fresh and shiny, glittery-eyed baby gay, excited to celebrate all things rainbow- this year Pride has taken on a different depth for me. As I learn and grow my way into the LGBTQ community, I’m constantly humbled to be a part of something so beautiful. Sometimes I find myself wondering what I ever did to be accepted and loved by my fellow queers. 

And you know what, the answer is? 

Nothing. I simply existed. And that is enough.

I think this is something members of the queer community have a strong appreciation for—acceptance. Particularly in comparison to the evangelical culture in which I grew up. If you are a part of the LGBTQ community, you are loved and accepted because of who you are, not in spite of it. You don’t have to do or say or be any type of way. You gain an instant family. You belong somewhere. And unlike the church goers of my youth, my instant family isn’t based on some sort of conditional, contractual agreement to have clear cut lines of right and wrong and choose holiness over hedonism.

What does any of this have to do with business?

We have a moral obligation to offer queer humans safety and belonging in the places they work.

If we claim to be companies focused on equity, we need not only for queer humans to feel accepted, we need them to belong. We need them to have no question, whatsoever, they are in the right space.

Albeit hard to describe, it’s similar to the difference between the CEO of your company saying it’s a safe space and the employees saying it’s a safe space. 

Brene Brown says: “True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world.” 

In order to do that, a person has to feel accepted AND safe before they can belong.

And if a new employee has to ask if it’s a safe space, you’re probably doing it wrong.

Here’s an example of a time I felt accepted but belonging wasn’t part of the equation. 

In a workplace I’d been established in for some time, the team members and I were talking about celebrity crushes. We were each going around saying who our crush was, sharing Googled images and debating on the worthiness of crush status. All innocent and typical for a night out drinking wine with coworkers right? Sure. But when it came to my turn, I had a small amount of panic. I sheepishly shared my crush (in case you are wondering it’s Jennifer Lawrence), and people agreed that yeah she was pretty and had a great personality- that she was, indeed, very crushable.

I felt accepted at that moment, but I still didn’t feel like I belonged.

I want to be clear, this is not the fault of the team I was a part of. They, just like me, were offering their authentic selves at the table. Each was accepting of the other. However, I would venture to guess that if even one other queer person had been at the table, they would have experienced feelings similar to the ones I expressed.

What would belonging feel like? It would feel like having other queer voices at the table- more queer voices than straight.  

So what are the practical things you can do in your organization to begin making it a “belonging space” for queer employees?

Treat having queer employees as a privilege not a token. 

It’s not enough to have one queer employee you can pin all your allyship and support on. That’s called tokenizing. It’s putting all your queer support eggs into one basket; and since queer people have already been bearing the weight of their community for generations, it’s not fair to make them be the one to take on everything.

If you are in the process of getting more queer humans on your team, use the opportunity you have with your one employee to get curious. Use the privilege of this queer person, who has stepped into this space feeling accepted (and hoping to belong) to invite them to the head of the table. Ask them what they want more of, how they see the company changing and what would make them most comfortable.

Give to the queer community.

Put your money, time and energy where your lip service is. If you want to become an allied company, research organizations who need your dollars and donate to them. Even better, find organizations local to you where you can volunteer time as well.

And buy from queer business owners. Instead of paying Amazon for your next team book read, purchase from a queer owned bookstore. Giving clients gifts? Support queer artisans instead of buying from big box brands.

Don’t participate in rainbow washing. 

Be honest with your audience about where you are on the journey to becoming a better ally. If it’s your Pride season where you are paying attention, it’s better not to “paint the town rainbow.” Instead, put out a simple statement showing your support for the queer community and tell your people what you are doing right now to make your business more inclusive. Want to learn more about rainbow washing? Listen to our podcast here.

Be in spaces where there are a majority of queer people and you are the minority.

It’s Pride season. Go to a local festival. Talk to the businesses and vendors set up there. Sign up to advocate for LGBTQ legislative action. There are LOTS of resources at these festivals. Take advantage of it and do something practical right now.

Being an ally means taking action.

Do most of these actions sound familiar or redundant? How many of them have you done?

As queer folk, we keep asking for these things because people don’t listen. They read the articles and see the social posts and then keep living their lives without change. Don’t be one of those people! Start acting on the things you are reading. 

Because unlike the evangelicalism of my past, I’d like to think people have changed. That there are more people in the world that care, as Brene says, about “getting it right and not being right.”

If you want some help, book some coaching time with one of the Fearless team. We’ll guide you through the changes you can start making now so your business is ally-centric and inclusive. That way, every time a queer human encounters you and your business, they will know they have a space to belong.